In spirit of the returning Kane, episode 22 of Oh You Didn’t Know is a hilarious tale that comes from the demonic mind of The Big Red Machine.
If you’ve ever been to a WWE event, you know that the traffic outside the arena is brutal. Now, could you imagine being a wrestler stuck in that traffic? Your body is hurting, you’re tired, and it’s time to drive… yeah, doesn’t sound like an ideal situation to me. Well, it obviously didn’t sound too ideal for Kane, either because after he found out he was competing in the main event, he began concocting a plan to beat the traffic at the end of the night. Luckily for him, Kane’s opponent was going to get jumped after the match by another wrestler. This bought Kane about 5 minutes before the show was officially over.
Kane describes going to the back after the bell rang ending his match, sprinting to the locker room, throwing on his workout clothes, and running out of the arena to his car. He knew traffic was going to be bad that night. In his face paint and all, a sweaty Kane reached his car and beat the traffic. He drove to his hotel and described getting odd looks in the lobby before eventually checking in and taking the elevator to his room.
As Kane slid the key card to unlock his door, he was met with a surprise as an old couple was in the room, sitting on the bed and talking. According to The Devil’s Favorite Demon, the couple began yelling at him in a foreign language and began hugging as if they were about to die! Then, a frustrated Kane cursed under his breath, and walked back down to the front desk. By the time he got down there, Kane recalls the host already calling the couple and apologizing to them for giving Kane the wrong room key!
Kane’s official retelling of the story can be read below.
”When you’re sitting around the arena all day, some nights you just can’t wait to get out of there when you’re done. I knew I wanted to beat the fans out of the arena so I wouldn’t sit in traffic for an hour.
I ran back to the locker room and didn’t shower or anything. I just threw on my workout stuff from that afternoon—shorts, a tank top, sneakers. I didn’t even put on socks. As I’m sprinting to the car, I realize I still had my makeup on, too. I didn’t care. The only thing on my mind was getting out of that arena parking lot and to the hotel immediately.
The weird looks started the second I entered the lobby. I’m dripping with sweat, wearing wrinkled workout clothes, and had half my long hair pulled back in a ponytail, half hanging in my face. Between my hair and the eyeliner I was still wearing, I basically looked like the world’s largest transvestite.
I checked in, walked up to the room, ripped open the door, threw my bag in and then noticed an old couple sitting on the bed. I had no idea where they came from, they started screaming at me in some foreign language I couldn’t understand. I had already put in a real long day, so I just sort of stared at them, cussing under my breath. Not at them. But at the situation.They’re screaming, just terrified. They both jumped up on the bed and were now like hugging each other as if they were saying good-bye or something. By the time I got back down to the front desk, the clerk was already on the phone with this couple apologizing, telling them he was going to give them a free lunch and stuff.
I think they saw their life flash in front of their eyes at that moment, and I can’t say I blame them. Think about it, if you can imagine a seven-foot, three-hundred-pound guy, wearing mascara, slamming your door open … that’s a pretty scary sight.”